Friday, October 1, 2010

Been gone so long So many thoughts!!

Hi all,

It feels like forever and honestly it has been...months. There has been so many things going on and so many thoughts and feelings that I probably wont be able to get to them all but I know I need to blog to just get some of these thoughts down and out of my head.

First things first...As far as the pregnancy over all, it is going great!!! I am 6 months pregnant and we decided to find out what we were having. Now with Liam we didn't and I am not a big advocate of finding out the sex of the baby before they are born but we decided ( while I was getting my sonogram ) that yes we would find out as Liam wanted to know if he was having a brother or sister and in all honesty I still have everything from Liam so if it was a boy I could get everything out and if it was a girl I would have to start shopping. So anyway we are having a ....... BOY!!!!!!!!! Lord help me another little boy running around my house!! Ha no I am very happy and so are my boys at home. As I said to my husband, we are not stopping until we have a girl so if I have to have 6 children then so be it :-) He is healthy and does not stop moving around and I cant wait to meet him. I have no idea on what name we are going to pick...seriously have to get down to business. Anyway as I said super healthy baby, feeling great physically and cant wait to hold this precious baby in my arms.

Now on to the physcological craziness of pregnancy and gaining weight!!!! When I found out I was pregnant of course the 1st thing I thought was oh shit!! weight gain. I decided not to stress about it ( or try not to ) and was doing ok with that until the past few weeks.

First of all when I went in for my doc appt in August, when I was leaving, the doc ( not my usual one ) said just watch the weight gain, you have gained 5 pounds this month...I about freaked out then because I was like wsit a way, at that point I had only gained 8 pounds in total ( 16 weeks pregnant ) so I pulled the nurse to the side and said can you look back at the 2 past appts to see what they had down for me..anyway come to find out that they had my starting weight wrong, by about 7 pounds lighter than I was. Of course I was freaking and everyone was like don't worry about it you are fine but they would not change my weight on the chart!!

Now I am sorry but I worked so hard to gain only 8 pounds and they were showing a weight gain of 15 so it did bother me but I tried to let it go.

Sept appt doing good, only gained 3 pounds total of 11 in my book and of course 17 for them but oh well.

Then the band!!! One night I drink something and I am in so much pain that I want to cry, next day I tried to eat something and the pain is unbearable. I went like this for 3 days freaking out that I had done something to the band. Anyway decided to go to band doc. I end up seeing the new band doc who decides to take 3 cc's out my band, great right??? Instant relief!!! That was on 09/10.

OK for anyone that has had the band a while ( a year for me ) and does not really eat anything in the morning and usually eats a cup of food or so, when you get 3cc removed it is like WTF!!! I felt hungry, I mean hungry, real nunger for the first time in a year so I went a little crazy I admit, I ate bagels for breakfast..bagels at 8am ?? Ar you kidding me? I haven't had an untoasted bagel in a year....but I could eat this at 8am!! I had bread for lunch, I had bread for although I was glad I could eat anything and as much of it as I wanted i knew I was going to be in trouble...I decided to bite the bullet and call band drs office to see if they would give me some of a fill back.
I knew that my best shot was Gasper or Dr Fielding as the other drs are more like ok eat while you are pregnant don't worry about it and we will fill you up again when you have the baby but Gasper and Fielding are like ok don't get it taken out unless you have to. Long story short( little late for that I know ) I get there, have gained 9 POUNDS!! in 3 weeks, Gasper almost died too!!! He gave me 1.5 back and said come back if you want more!!

Now lets analyze this..I am 24 weeks pregnant, have gained 20 pounds in weight(not too crazy but little crazy ) and my OB doc is going to think I gained 27 lbs. So here I am freaking out and wondering how I am going to loose at least 3 pounds before I get back to my OB doc in a week so she doesn't see how much I have gained Whew!!! That was long and tough to write and probably sounds crazy to you but trust me it is such a mind F&*K to gain weight and see the scale creep up after you have fought for so long to take it off.

Anyway if you are still reading !! ( WAKE UP ) I also wanted to say how I wish I had made it to BOOBS!! It looks like you had so much fun and I am so jealous that I did not get to meet you all. I have met some of the amazing NYC bandsters ( when are we doing Dos Caminos again ?) and I cant wait to meet the rest of you.

Everyone is doing so well on this journey, and it is a journey and I know mine will being again next year bit am glad I can share these feeling with you as you are the only ones who could really understand

Keep up the good work everyone!!!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Attn NYC Bandsters

Does anyone want / need an appointment with Dr Fielding this Thursday August 12th at 12:40pm? I have one but need to cancel it and I know sometimes it is hard to get an appt with him.
Let me know

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Please note!!

That my ticker will remain at 66lbs lost during my whole pregnancy!!! I will not be changing it as I gain weight :-)

Anyway just had to say that :-) Crazy day today

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

First Pics of my baba :-)

Hi all,

How are you? Seems like everyone is doing pretty well.

Things here are going well too.

On Monday we had our tests for Downs and Trisomy 18. Everything came out well so that is definitely a relief. It was so funny because they have to get a measurement at the back of the neck and it took the tech about 30 minutes because the baby would not stay still. It was amazing he / she was waving at us putting their thumb in their mouth, kicking and jumping around. It was so funny but the tech was getting a bit pissed off ha.
I just have to say ( don't want to sound too cheesy ) it is such a miracle. I mean baby is only about 2 1/2 inches long and you can see all this stuff so clearly and fully formed it is just amazing !!. Anyway pics are below. Oh and baby is measuring 1 week and 2 days bigger than I am ...lord help me ha

On band related news. I will repeat again that pregnancy hunger is a bitch!!! I am always hungry!! which is so weird after 9 months of not feeling any hunger. I am still tight in the mornings but I have to physically stop myself from eating at night. It is crazy!! I am doing ok on the WEIGHT GAIN I suppose, up 5-6lbs. As I said trying not to freakout over it but it is hard..My hubby and my mum are all over me to make sure I eat and don't turn into a freak about every ounce I gain.

I know it will all come off but again psychologically, pregnancy is hard for someone with the lap band, Now don't get me wrong, if I had to gain a million pounds to have a healthy baby I would so I hope I don't sound selfish but just hard to come to grips with.

Good thing I have not had any heartburn or serious PB's. I think I have only thrown up once this whole time but that is because I shoved a chicken salad sandwich in my mouth including 2 slices of bread and wondered why I was stuck ha

Anyway hope all is well. My little sis gets in town tonight, so excited. We will be at the bandster brunch on Sunday so look forward to seeing everyone there.

Take Care and Keep up the good work

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Stuffing my face as I write this...

Hey all,
How is everyone doing? Hoep everyone is doing well out there. It seems to be people are getting closer and closer to their goal weight which is awesome. The only sad thing about that I think is that maybe people will tend to blog less when hey reach it?? I suppose it is all a cycle leaving room for new banded bloggers out there. Anyway just wanted to say hope everyone is doing well.

In teh land of pregnancy with the band everything is going ok. I had an appt with Dr Fielding last Tuesday ( lap band doc ) and 1st of all he said I looked amazing !! He probably says that to all the girls :-) First thing I said to him was " Before I get on the scale I am 2 montsh pregnant so don't freak out about my weight!! ) Like he is the one freaking out? Anyway still showed a loss from my last appointment 2 1/2 months ago, thanks god he didn't ask me how much I had gained since my recorded low. Anyway we talked about the pregnancy and the band and how the hunger had appeared out of nowhere like a vengeance. I told him it feels like it had been building up for the past 8 montsh and all re appeared in the past 8 weeks. He said that due to hormones my hunger will fluctuate. He said take the band on its merit separate from the pregnancy and as Long as I can still eat I am fine. I was actually having trouble for the prior 4 days before seeing him about getting stuck so I decided to get some fill taken out. He took out the last fill I had gotten back in January. I am going back to see him in August to see what happens. AS you an imagine with some of the fluid taken out the hunger has gotten worse and I am eating like a crazy person but I am trying to eat like a crazy healthy person, For example as the title of my post suggests I am stuffing my face right now but it is being stuffed with a salad of romaine, dry tuna, mozarella, egg whites and turkey bacon so could be being stuffed with pizza right? right? right? anyway i am trying t behave but obviously am eating more than before. Trying nto to stress as the numbers on the scale inch up. Jenny suggested I may want to put a pregnancy weight gain ticker on my blog aghhh!!! no!!! would die seeing those numbers everyday.

Anyway so officially I am 8 weeks 5 days pregnant, Had first official appt with my OB yesterday and we got to see the munchkin on the sonogram. Still looks like a little blob right now but watching the heartbeat was amazing. It is so unreal, this baby is less than an inch big but the little heartbeat was strong as anything!!!
we have told our extended families now and close friends but still not shouting it to the world until I hit 12 weeks!!

Had a great time in DC, even sober I had a blast out dancing with my girls and gays until 3am!!

Keep up the good work ladies!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Girls and Gays

Hi all,
How is everyone? Still trying to keep up with everyones blogs although not much commentign from me lately.
So I am 7 weeks today woo hoo , still 2 weeks away from my 1st ultrasound. I am so nervous about this pregnancy for some reason and just cant wait to see my little love bug is ok. So pregnancy and the band....what band? Yes lucy is still in there I beleive however the band is NOOOO match to pregnancy hormones / hunger. It is crazy!! I have never been able to eat in the mornign and that has remained the same, just drinking water and coffee ( decaf ) to get me through the mornign and not hungry whcih is fine. However when I put the 1st morsel of food in my mouth holy crap!! it is a never ending pit in there. Since I had the band the best thing has been I am never hungry, like even when I was not at perfect restriction by issue was the amount of food not any hunger because I was never hungry. Now for the 1st time in like 9 months I am hungry all the time. I am tryign to limit on my own the amount of food and have not had many pb's but wow iots soo weird. I have to admit I have gained 2.4 lbs aghh!!!! but I guess not too bad although I know I have to get myself in check. I feel like I am using the pregnancy as an excuse to eat more snacks too ( uhm chocholate anyone !! ) so I will have to reel that in
I have an appt with my band dr on Tuesday but I dont think I will get any fill taken out just yet, pulease!!
Anyway other than that I feel exhausted all the time!! I so wish I did not have to work. Only 33 weeks to go ha
Keep up the good work ladies!!

P.S. Posted this and then realized the title did not make sense. I forgot I was going to tell you I am off to DC tomorrow for a girls and gays weekend. I cant wait, we have all been friends since we were 12 and its not often we get to hang out together. Although we still have not told anyone about me being pregnant I know that I will not survive the 1st 5 minutes without my friedns knowing. "Carla would you like a glass of wine? No thanks. Carla why are you not smoking? Uhm just cause..Ok Carla whatever you are pregnant!!! This is how the conversation will go "

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

So weird not to weigh myself

Hi all,
How are you doing? Seems like everyone seems to be doing well these days!! some ups and downs that are normal but everyone seems to be keeping up the good fight.

So now that I have had time to digest the news of my pregnancy I decided that I am still going to blog about my band. I know that for some of us one of the major reasons to get the band was to have an easier time getting pregnant, or just the ability to get pregnant or to have a healthy pregnancy. I know that my 1st question to the dr before I decided on the band was can I get pregnant? Is there any danger to the baby? And if there had been any hesitation I would not have chosen to go forward with the surgery. Anyway so I am going to post about the ups and the downs and being pregnant with the band.

Last week I was so tight I could hardly get anything down. this week, hello are you still there band? I am trying to eat healthier and eat about 1500 calories a day for the weird to try and eat more food and not just food but substantial food.

I am trying not to weigh myself. Of course I am thrilled about being pregnant but sometimes I freak out because I think wow I worked so hard to loose this weight and was so close to goal and now the scale is going to go up. I know rationally that I will loose the weight again after the baby but trying to comprehend that the scale WILL NOT be going down for the next 9 months or so is kidna scary. I know it sounds selfish but I was just feeling really comfortable in my clothes and just started fitting it to size 8 ( yes I said size 8 ) which I never have worn ever!! Anyway as I said please don't think I am being selfish but it is just some feelings I am having.

It is weird too because I have not told anyone at work and by the afternoon I have the huge pregnancy bloat belly so I wonder if they are looking at me saying oh there she goes again she lost weight and is putting it right back on ha.

My 1st doctors appt is not until June 21st ( they don't see you until you are 8 weeks or so pregnant and I am only 4 weeks 3 days ). It is so weird because I know I am pregnant but cant wait to actually hear the heartbeat and then it will seem real.

I am drinking my water and going to the gym 2-3 times a week still just to keep fit.
Oh and on top of all that I was a smoker ( have been for 19 years except for the year I quit with my last pregnancy and then stupidly had one when he was 3 months and started back up again ). So obviously as soon as the stick was positive I quit smoking. So talk about severe withdrawal aghhH!!!

I have rambled on enough. Keep up the good work everyone!!!

P.S. If you have decided to sign off from my blog no problem, I wish you all the best on your journey!!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

OMFG - not going to loose any more weight!!

When something tragic happens they say that something good will come....You are the only "friends" I can tell yet but guess what?????


Holy cow!!! I mean we decided that we were maybe going to start trying and the 1st time we didnt use anything it happened. I am only 3 weeks so will not be telling anyone until after the 1st trimester except you guys. WOW can you tell I am happy, nervous, scared, excited. Although I am not at goal weight yet I know that once I have the baby I will have Lucy to help me get back on track. No wonder I have been super tight this week. I have an appt with my "lucy" doctor on June 15th so I will decide if I am going to get any fluid taken out. I really dont want to as long as I am getting enough calories. WOW.

Anyway so excited I could share the news with you. I am getting ready for the adventure

Keep up the good work ladies !!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Some new pics!!

So had a great weekend this weekend . We went to a kite festival on Staurday and teh zoo on Sunday. It was a beautiful weekend in NYC.

Weird I am feeling very tight lateley and have not had a fill in a while but it seems like after a few bites I feel like I am stuck / full ( I still getthat feeling confused ) No major sliming or PB'ing but just weird hmm.

Anyway so I have some new pics. As you can see I am trying to get over my bare arm phobia and decided to say F&*K it and show my arms, I am not going to sweat to death anymore!!! Hope you all had a good weekend and keep up the good work!!!

The ones with Big Bird were last year :-)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I am back

Hi all,
Have been trying to catch up in all of your blogs but I just realized if you don't keep up every day it is so hard because I follow so many people and want to know what is going on and show support but wow 2 weeks worth of blogs is crazy. To all who I have not commented on I am reading and will start following every day again. Everyone seems to be doing well, some ups and downs but that is what this journey is all about.

I am still in shock about what happened with my little cousin. So many things run through your head, what could I have done? Why didn't she reach out? How scared must she have been etc, it could make you go crazy. She was only 16 years old and she hung herself. Her sister (19) found her and they did try to resuscitate at the hospital but her heart gave out ( she was also suffering from bulimia ). To make things worse my aunt ( not her mum ) and my grandma where in Florida visiting my mum and this all happened during the eruption of the volcano and could not get home for the funeral ( everyone lives in Scotland except for my parents and bro and sis's ). It was devastating for them not to be there. What do you say to your Grandma who says she never thought she would bury a grandchild? It was just awful. Now is the time to heal and be thankful for the time we had with her and her memory will live on. I know she is up there now with my Papa looking down on us. Sorry just wanted to share that with you all.

Band news I am actually doing ok. Still averaging about 1 pound per week which is great for me. I am 158 pounds, 18 pounds from my goal and 38 pounds from my drs goal ( never happen ). I am getting more and more comfortable with myself and cant wait for summer to go to the beach with the little one ( did I just say that ? :-) )
I do get some days where I cant get much down. Does anyone else freak out about the thought of your band slipping or eroding? I am super paranoid about that. It will be one year from my "initial" surgery in the beginning of August and that is when we get another esophogram. I cant wait. I am just being super paranoid because I know that I would have symptoms or something if it slipped but anyway.

Anyway hope everyone is doing well and I am glad to be back to blogging and following all the wonderful bandsters out there.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Thank You

Just wanted to say thank you for all your kind thoughts and words. I am off to Florida tomorrow to be with the family so we can grieve together.

Keep up the good work all of you and look forward to catching up on all the blogs when I get back


Monday, April 26, 2010

My heart is broken

Hi all,
I just wanted to say I am sorry I have not read or commented on anyones blogs in the best few days.
My little cousin ( we are a huge and very close family ) who was just 16 years old committed suicide on Wednesday. She was being bullied at school and has had a very tough year with her self esteem etc.
My family is devastated and my heart is broken.
If you have kids, family anyone please just hug them tighter today and every day.
Love to all

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Strange NSV and BOOBS

Hi all,
Hope things are going well. Things are the same over here. Crazy busy at work and we are moving offices this week which just adds un needed stress to everyone. Lucy is doing good. Still struggling with the snacking and night time eating but doing ok otherwise. I don't weigh myself this week as it is the week before my TOM and I always stay the same or show a gain so I just avoid the scale. I think restriction is perfect most days but then we all have days when we are wide open or closed shut, just the nature of the beast.

So I was at my new gym yesterday. I changed gyms to be closer to the new office and have been going for about 2 weeks. Anyway when you sign up you get 3 free training sessions. Yesterday I was on the treadmill and this big burly Russian trainer came up to me and was saying I have seen you here and want to sign you up for the free training sessions etc. Anyway he asked what I usually do and I said just cardio but know I have to work on my arms etc. Anyway so for the NSV, he then said to me are you looking to loose weight? And I said yes. And he then said " is it about 15-20 pounds you want to loose?" So why am I excited ? Because I don't think I have ever been at a spot in my life where I "only" need to loose 15 or 20 pounds so yeah NSV for me...
Technically I want to loose 21 pounds to reach my personal goal of 140, 41 pounds to my surgeons goal for me of cough cough 120. But I chalked that up to an NSV for me :-)

BOOBS---- so I am so excited for all of you that are getting together and I would love love love to go but I have so many things planned for this year. I am going to FL ( every 3 months to see my family ) and then I am going to Scotland and Ireland and also my best friend is getting married in November so I wont be able to make it. To all who are going have a blast, I am sure you guys will have so much fun

Anyway have a great week all!!!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Numbers for Gen, some thoughts and pics

**** Dont know why these posted up top but anyways. Hopefully you can tell the 1st 3 pics are now and the bottom 3 are before :-)

Hi all,
So I am terrible at keeping track of my weight loss in weeks but I have gone through my blogs and tried to get an accurate picture of what I am doing. I will post number below.
I have been thinking lately ( scary I know ) and reading Amys blog ( or was it her vlog ) the other day about perception of ourselves and that made me think about where I am mentally.
As you may remember I was at my lowest weight ever probably back in 2002 after being on Jenny Craig for the 10 millionth time. That is when I met my husband. Over the past 7 years or so ( and one pregnancy later ) I was at my heaviest of 224 pounds. I basically gained about 50 lbs. Throughout that time I knew it was happening and obviously so did everyone around me. I tried to hide it and wouldn't talk about it but it was happening. Now when I was at 224 pounds I was "ALL OVER" fat. You cant hide it when you are that big so I did not really think oh my butt is big or my thighs are tree trunks or my arms are huge, my whole body was big!!! Now as I am beginning to feel "somewhat normal" I think I stand out more. Now try and follow me on this one, I was fat all over so in my mind people on the street just saw a big fat person. Now I feel like I stand out More because in my mind people on the street see oh look at her arms , they are huge or her thighs are huge or her whatever is huge. I feel like it is more of a dissection of my body in certain parts because I fall into an in between category. She is not a big fat person and she is not normal. I have probably confused you because I am confusing myself. Anyway so I think I stick out more now if you know what I mean. I know this is mostly in my mind. It has to be!! I don't exactly know what my point is but I just wanted to say it ( and please no one be offended by the "fat" word because that is not a bad word to me , its true ). I just hope at some point I will feel normal...
Anyway I wanted to post some progress pics but my ability to feel comfortable in front of the camera is only slowly coming around. Here are some I have. Oh yeah right numbers. See below

Banded 07/31 224
Port removal infection dram etc 07/31-10/2
10/23 196
11/13 189
12/28 179
1/27 174.6
2/16 169.2
03/23 164.8
04/08 162.8 ( new low )

Monday, April 5, 2010

I am overweight!!!

So I just wanted to post good news as I am still in my chocolate induced coma...

I am ( or was before yesterday ) 163.4lbs which puts me in the overweight category and out of obesity!!

I think i will wait 7-10 days before weighing myself again so that I dont see the gain and then the loss so if I can still be 163.4 lbs next week I will be happy

Hope you all had a great Easter...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

itty bitty fill

So I had my drs appt today. Gasper who I love was the one that saw me. I am down 6lbs in 6 weeks according to their scale ( I thought it was 5 but hey I will take 6 ). So I decided to get an itty bitty fill because while I am never hungry ,when I do eat ,I eat too much and my snacking has been killing me . So he gave me .2mls. In the back of my head I think I was really excited to go on 2 days liquid and 2 days mushies. This is my m.o. If I am forced to do something I will do it. I know I can not eat solids until Saturday with a fill but if I were to just try and do a 2 day liquid and 2 day mushies without my fill I would totally not be able to do it. Crazy right? Anyway so I chose to get the fill and I hope it was the right thing to do because I do not want to be too tight and my fill usually kicks in harder after a week or so. Worst case I will go back for an unfill.

Other than that work is still busy. Weather sucks in NYC right now but is supposed to be gorgeous this weekend for Easter. I am looking forward to Sunday as we are going for Easter brunch at a restaurant right on the water with our friends who have a son same age as Liam. It is supposed to be nice so booked a table outside!!

Anyway hope everyone is having a Happy Passover or Happy Easter or whatever holiday you celebrate this week ( or if no holiday hope everyone is having a good week )

Keep up the good work everyone!!!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Weekday dish and Question

So here is what I ate yesterday

10 am large coffee light and sweet from DD

2pm Lean cuisine meatloaf and mashed potatoes ( trying to do sort of mushies re previous post )

4pm I bag pop chips ( so good )

6 pm I can diet cream soda

7pm I greek empanada ( I know fried but it was so good spinach and feta cheese)

few grapes and 1/2 tangerine throughout the day

So my question is...Does anyone go tanning? ( ok I know why this is bad but I go for a few sessions before summer so no judgements )

Anyway I went yesterday in the stand up bed and this morning I was wondering if because our ports are so close to the surface, would the UV rays damage it in anyway? Would it get hot and burn my insides? Anyone know? I know this sounds weird but I really wonder if it would affect the port. Will have to ask dr at visit on Tuesday.

Have a great weekend everyone and keep up the good work!!!

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Hi guys,

I feel like I have not posted in forever. I apologize for not commenting a lot either. I have been reading everyone's blogs but the past few weeks have been crazy.

Just a quick round up. Band news, I am ok I think. I am doing the slow but surely race. I was 164.8 lbs this morning. I have an appt on Tuesday and as always am debating on whether yo get a little little fill or not. Same story, different day. Do great during the days...fighting the snack demons at night. It is a work in progress and I am only 8 ounces away from being overweight :-)
I have been doing ok not getting stuck and trying to keep up with my exercise. I will get there right :-)

Work has been super busy which I guess I should be happy about as it keeps the $ coming in.

So strange and weird and unusual things always happen to me.

For example picture this...last night get home from a long day at work and my 3 year old says "Mummy do you want a gummy worm" My response" No thanks Liam but thanks for sharing" "Mummy please have one" "Ok sure"...I take the gummy worm and try to take a bite....what happens??? MY FRONT TOOTH FELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok people now I know being a mother you are supposed to try and act grown up and not freak out but who in the hell has a front tooth fall out of their mouth past the age of 8??? I was hysterical. My husband looked at me and said did you chip it? I said no look( through hysterical tears ) its missing. Yes it was gone... Now I have never pondered this question before last night, but what do you do when your front tooth falls out?? I calmed down called my mummy and freaked out again. I forgot to mention that we just changed insurance plans at work and I have no dentist. So I call my friends from work and try to get some recommendations of dentists. Long story short I finally get into a dentist at 11am this morning and he was able to put a temporary crown on it for now so I am not the toothless bandit anymore. Why did this happen to me you say? Well back to the strange and weird things that happen to me I am just going to list out for your viewing pleasure some of what I have experienced in the last 10 years

1. I went to the ER once because I though my head was going to explode..worst headache in the world. Anyway at the ER they had to check for meningitis or something so they did a spinal tap( where they take fluid from your spine ). OK fine diagnosis is migraines. Well I leave the ER and proceed to get worse over the next 2 days. It got so bad that my hubby had to call an ambulance to take me back to the ER 2 days later because I could not lift my head. Every time I moved I felt like my brain was going to fall out. Come to find out that she punctured something when she did the spinal tap which caused the fluid around my brain to leak out so that my brain was banging against my skull. To fix this they do a "blood patch" where they remove blood and clog the leak or something. Anyway weird strange things

2. Around Xmas 2008 I started getting numbness in my right leg. After 24 hours it got so bad I could not even walk. It was worse than labor ( for those who have kids ) ended up in the hospital for 4 days . No diagnosis but Dr thinks that nerves were all crunched up and fighting each other?. Again weird things

3. I used to get strep throat all the time. One a plane back to NY form Florida I felt a lump in my throat and was having trouble breathing. Went straight to ER after I got off the plane. Was then admitted to hospital for 4 days because of some weird infection in my tonsils that kept filling up with poison and puss. Again Dr's were like WTF

4. The issue that I think was the cause of the toothless incident last night. I had another strange lump in the roof of my mouth a couple of years ago. Went to the dentist and he could feel it but had no idea what the heck it was. After much investigating come to find out that I had an infected tooth. Usually with an infected tooth you are in pain, your gum gets swollen, very noticeable. No not with me. My infection went into the roof of my mouth and was up through my nasal passage so had to get oral surgery to fix this. Dentist told me that I should have been in a text book for that as he had never seen that happen.

5. Was my LB surgery .You can read the full story on my first blog but basically Dr Fielding who is a pioneer in LB and has done thousand of these surgeries has never experienced what happened to me and to this day still has no clue why it happened.

SO anyway now you know a little bit more about my weird medical issues. Probably more than you wanted to know but anyway thanks for listening and keep up the good work

Friday, March 12, 2010

Thursday Food

So here is what I ate yesterday:

10 am - large coffee light and sweet

11am-1pm 1.5 ltr of water

1:45pm 1 slice tomatoe with mozarella, 1/2 cup salad

3pm 5 cheeze its

6pm 1 bite of my sons dinner ( pasta )

8pm 1/2 cup panang curry and 1/2 cup Pad Thai

9pm 1 packet of bunny cookies ( 140 calories )

9:30 pm 1 gummy bear :-)

Although I did snack after dinner it wasnt too bad and it was not chocolate so I am ok with it. Thisnk my calories for the day were ok. I only know the calorie amount of snack food as that is what I watch super carefully

Have a great weekend all :-)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Slowly but surely

So hi all,
Weigh in Tuesday and I am down a whopping 8 ounces this week!!! uhm yeah I guess a loss is a loss is a loss though right? right?

Anyway so I just watched Amys vlog and decided to look up why the heck I am not loosing more weight. So this is what I figured out and if you have any comments / feedback/ help etc then please let me know.

I am 5 " 2 and weigh 167.2 lbs today. According to the BMI calculator If I do little to no exercise I need 1821 calories per day to maintain my weight and if I go to the gym 1-3 times per week I need 2087 calories per day to maintain. So to loose 1 pound per week with no exercise I have to eat 1300 calories per day and if I want to loose 2 pounds per week I have to eat 821 calories per day??? WTF If I go to t he gym 3 times per week I have to eat 1587 to loose 1 pound and 1087 per day to loose 2 pounds.....

Now I understand I should go the gym but work has been crazy so it has been hard but looking at the numbers above I can only hope to carry on with loosing 1 pounds per week. It would take me another year to get to the "chart" weight I should be. This sucks!!!!

I mean I am happy that I am going down but I feel like I will never reach goal and it is just going to be even slower for weight loss from now on. There is not much room there.

Anyway I am starting an experiment today. I am going to eat NOTHING after dinner for 1 week and see what that will do for me. Now I have to stay motivated and keep to it, for 1 week and we will see what next week brings. I have decide that I would be HAPPY if I consistently lost 1 pound per week.

Anyway hope everyone is doing well.
Keep up the good work!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Finally some slight movement

Hi all,
How you doing? So Tuesday weigh in and finally some movement, did you notice I didn't post last Tuesday? That's because the scale did not move for 2 weeks WTF? I was eating the same things and doing the same exercise and it did not move. Well today it finally moved..a little. I am at a new low of 168 pounds!! slowly but surely I guess. I have to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I want the scale to move down EVERY week, I want to get to my goal weight now now now!! anyway sorry for the rant
Some good NSV's though for the week. So I went into America Eagle and saw their jeans were on sale for $39 so I thought lets try them on and see what they look like. SO I took a size 12 and 14 into the dressing room. I tried on the 14 , too big, I tried on the 12 and although tehy fit in the legs, I could pull them down without unbuttoning them so then I said, dare I try a size 10??? Well I did and guess what? I am wearing them right now woo hoo. I mean I still have a muffin top and they are snug but hello size 10 people :-) After that exciting news I went up to pay for them and the girl said that will be $11.97 ?? Hello score !!! they were on sale even lower.
Work is really busy right now which is good and bad.
I am heading out this weekend with my boys ( my gays!! ) so I am excited to wear something new and have a great night. Its so funny, every time I go out with my boys I feel the need to dress up as let me tell you gay men are the ones you have to impress, they notice everything.
Anyway hope everyone has a great week.
Keep up the good work

P.S. Sad I cant make the NYC Brandster brunch this weekend as I have a 3 year old birthday party to attend ( I knwo where I woudl rather be ) so everyone have a great time and have a margarita for me!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

113 pounds are you crazy??????

Hi all,
So I had my drs appointment yesterday. It is the 1st time I have seen my actual Dr since surgery in October. The first thing I have to say for anyone that goes to the same Dr's office as me....I was in and out in 30 minutes!!! And that was seeing Dr Fielding!!!! must be a record.
Anyway so I go in and get weighed..down 7lbs in 4 1/2 weeks, not too shabby.

I was not sure if I wanted a little fill this time, I was debating the whole time I was waiting there and in my mind decided to have a little tiny tiny fill. Well he came in looked at my numbers and said wow you are doing perfect!!! No fill for you. I was like really? and he said for a girl "my size" I am doing excellent on the weight loss front and he doesn't want me to get too tight. So he said whatever you re doing keep doing it ha. .

Well to move on to the title of my post. On the computer screen showed me what my ideal weight is. I look, and I look again and clear my ideal weight is 113lbs???? Are you kidding me? I don't think I weighed that when I was born. I was about to go in freak out mode and he said don't look at that number, he thinks I should be 120lbs???? Uhm hello again 120lbs?? So then I said my goal is 140lbs and he said great once you get there its not far to get to 120lbs. Now in my head at this point I would have said" oh yeah really then you try it" but I remembered he has a lap band so if he thinks I can get there then maybe?? I don't know its too far off to even think about. I am sticking to my 140 lb goal for now and let the chips fall as they may after that.

Anyway hope you all have a good weekend

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Lake George, Weigh In Day, Birthday and Lent

Hi all,
So a few things to ramble on about today. First of all I can't believe my little baby is now 3 years old. I just don't know where the time went?

So for his birthday we went up to Lake George for a few days. We had a blast. It is about 4 hours north of NYC and a completely different world. It was very small town in the middle of the mountains and has no traffic!! The have a winter festival every year where they have various activities out on the lake. Now the lake is 36 miles long and a couple of miles wide. This lake is completely frozen. I was freaking out because I just Don trust the fact that I am standing in the middle of a lake and there is only ice between me and a cold death. It was crazy though, people had ATV's snowmobiles, helicopters , planes all on top of this frozen lake. Anyway it was a blast.

We also went to the indoor water park and yes ladies I wore a bathing suit in public. I am actually surprised that I did not feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would. I am definitely making progress on the self esteem and being comfortable in my own skin. The best thing was that I went on the slides and played with my boy in the water and actually had fun without worrying about how I look. Oh the hotel where we stayed had a small pool and water slide also. Well the weight limit on the water slide was 200 pounds!!! I felt good about the fact that I did not have to be nervous that I would break it but come on 200 pounds? That is crazy, a typical grown man weighs that much right? Anyway I would have crumbled into a heap had I had to tell my hubby I could not go on it but thanks to lucy I fit.

So yesterday was weigh in day and I am glad to say I lost 1.6 lbs last week which brings me to 169.2 lbs. Slowly but surely getting there.

So today is ash Wednesday and I have decided to try and give up chocolate for lent. How hard is this? Oh just about as hard as hard can be because I LOVE CHOCOLATE. Anyway I figure it will help out with the weight loss and test my willpower!!

And on to Lucy....I know I have said this before but how crazy does our band get from day to day?? I have a dr's appt tomorrow and was not sure if I should get a fill. So last night I had dinner . I ate a sausage roll ( don't know how to describe this if you are not from the UK but it is sausage wrapped in filo dough sort of ) and beans. It went down no problem and I was thinking hello? lucy? are you still there? So then I thought uh oh my restriction is gone I will get a fill. So move on to today, I only drink coffee in the morning and don't eat until after 1pm. I tried to eat a tuna sandwich. Well lucy only let me eat about a quarter of it??? WTF?? So I have decided that no I will not get a fill tomorrow as I would say 80% of the time my restriction is there and perfect.

Anyway will update if anything exciting happens at drs tomorrow.

have a great day all.

Friday, February 12, 2010

1600 calories!!!

yesterday and most of them were from snacks and junk food!!! Enough said....I ate it, I owned up to it, and now I am going to put it behind me. Today is another day!!!

Have a great weekend ladies

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Nearly overweight!!! 6 pounds to go he he

** Don't know why they are up top but left is last summer and the one to the right is Christmas that I have posted before. I def see it in my face!!!

Hi all,
So weekly weigh in was good this week. Down 1.4 lbs to 170.8lbs. I was looking at the BMI calculator ( which I don't 100% believe is right for everyone ) and I am only 6 pounds away from being exciting is that. Started at morbidly obese ( don't you hate that word morbidly ) and cant wait to be overweight!!!

Eating is going ok. I am pretty tight still so I do not foresee me getting a fill next week when I go to the drs office.

Other than that nothing much going on. Looking forward to going away to Lake George this weekend. I love staying in hotels doesn't matter where I just really do so I am excited about being away in a hotel for 3 days ( I know weird )

I also wanted to post some before and during pics. I found some picks that were taken last year that really confirm how big I was.

Oh and please note that I am short and fat and my hubby is tall and thin :-) I am so excited as I am only 10 pounds away from being the same weight as him!!!

Hope you have a great week!!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Love my scales

So hi all. Tuesday weigh in day and I was pleasantly surprised....172.2lbs down 2.6 lbs this week. Now this is a huge number for me as I usually drop 1 -1.5 lbs per week so whatever I am doing I want to keep doing it yeah!!! So that is total 51.8 lbs down :-)

So the never ending question, sweet spot??? I think I am there ( and I think I have said this several times before ). My issue has never been hunger as I have said before but trying to achieve the "full " feeling. My question to all who know the "full" feeling or your soft stop is, Does it kind of feel like you are stuck? What I mean is I know the feeling I get when I am stuck and know that I am going to slime, I feel the pressure and think oh crap i didn't chew enough. Well lately I have been feeling a similar pressure after I have eaten but I don't slime or throw up so maybe that feeling can also be used as my full feeling? I know I have probably confused you but any thoughts you have would be helpful.

My next dr appt is on Feb 18th and as of right now I do not plan on getting a fill but of course that may change over the next 16 days

Oh and just have to say one more time I HATE MY ARMS AND THIGHS....51.8 pounds down and I don't think I have lost any in my arms or thighs sigh!!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Almost 6 month bandiversary thoughts

Hi all,
So I am about 4 days shy of my 6 month bandiversary. Although I was officially banded on July 31st of last year due to all the complications I didn't really get "started" on my journey until around October ( my 1st post had all the ins and outs and various complications surgeries I went through ). I just wanted to put down some random thoughts and perspectives of the last 6 months. Sorry if they are all jumbled but here I go.
1. I weighed in yesterday at 174.6 lbs. 6 ounces shy of the 50 pounds mark 4 days shy of 6 months
2. I am really happy with my progress although the last month or so has been slow moving
3. I have to stop comparing myself with everyone else's weight loss and look at myself and be proud of the 50 lbs I have lost
4. If still feel so far away from being normal size and sometimes I cant believe I will get there
5. Sometimes I feel so close to goal only 34.6 lbs away and I know I will get there eventually ( this is the constant contradictory thoughts i have in my head )
6. While I can see big differences in my body, my THIGHS and ARMS suck!!! They are still huge
7. When I last weighed this much I did not think my arms and thighs were as big as they are now
8. I am so happy to have lucy
9. One thing I did not realize with the band would be that I can still eat as much junk as I want. This sucks!!! Food I can go all day without if I wanted to ( and I don't ) but put some chips or chocolate in front of me and watch out
10. If I went to bed at 8pm every night my snacking problems would disappear ( not realistic )
11. I went into this thinking that maybe I would not need lucy in me forever. I know now that is not the case
12. I have not problem accepting the fact that I will eat this way for the rest of my life.
13. Breakfast is not an option any more
14. Lattes are my downfall also and even though I use non fat milk I "waste" between 150 and 300 calories a day on this
15. I love my husband so much and how supportive he is and has been. He told me the other night how scared he was when I was going through all the complications in the beginning and he thought he was going to loose me over " a few extra pounds"
16. I would not be as far along as I am today if I did not read all of your blogs everyday and get the support from everyone on here
17. I need to drink more water
18. I am not addicted to carbs anymore :-)
19. I still feel embarrassed sometimes that I had to take this drastic step
20. I would not change the decision for the world

Well that's just some of my weird and random thoughts. Hope everyone has a great day

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Stressful 2010

Hi all,
So things have been super crazy around here so far this year. Usually at work January is a slow month as budgets are getting proposed so very few studies are commisioned ( I work in Research ). Well this year its completely the opposite. I currently have 11 different projects in field all around the globe from the UK to Dubai to Australia. This is causing me to get stressed out and even worse not able to go the gym at lunchtime. Hopefully it gets a little easier but I see this continuing until at least the end of February.

Had my fill appt last Thursday. Ugh only lost 3lbs in the past 3 1/2 weeks. Trying not to get discouraged because I know why I am not loosing more. I have to stop snacking!!!! I do so good during the day but come 8pm at night when I am sitting on the couch relaxing the snack attack happens. I mean I am still maxing out at around 1200 calories a day but it just annoys me that if I stopped the snacking I could loose faster. Need to get my ass back into gear.

I am around 176 now and I have 2 long term goals. I want to be at 160 lbs before we start trying to have a baby ( I want to get pregnant this year ) and my ultimate goal is 140 lbs. Even though 140lbs is still overweight for my height but that is a number that has been in my head for like 20 years so if I get there ( will I? ) and I want to loose more and can I will.

Anyway sorry I have not been making lots of comments on blogs but I try to read every ones and keep up to date.

Stay strong everyone :-)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Fill in 24 hours thank goodness!!!

Just a quick note to say thank the lord that I have an appt tomorrow for a fill. The past 2 days I have had ZERO restriction. I cant believe how much I can eat..I just finished an egg salad sandwich on sourdough bread..when I say finished... I mean I ate the whole thing, no problem with the bread, no fullness, no nothing...where are you restriction? Come back!!!!!!!!!

Update tomorrow after the drs appt

P.S. Just because I could and did eat the whole thing I should not have but I was so hungry!!

P.P.S. And to top it all off I am so busy at work I have not made it to the gym once this week

P.P.P.S. And I have not drank any water today!!! Could it get any worse?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I don't hate these pics :-)

So for the 1st time in many years I don't hate the pictures that were taken of me. Don't get me wrong, I could point out many many things i do not like but I am not embarrassed to post them. That is a huge breakthrough. For the 1st 2 years of my sons life there are hardly any pics of me and him together because I was so scared and embarrassed of getting my pic taken. NO MORE!!! I want to have as many memories and pictures as I can with my sweet boy and my hubby. So Yeah NSV.
How is everyone doing? Things are going ok for me. I have an appt on Jan 14th for a fill and I am not sure if I will get it ( this is a recurring theme for me ). I mean as far as hunger goes, I am never hungry. I could go all day without eating. This is amazing. However when I do eat I am eating more than the 1 cup? I mean I could eat for days and days. I am still sticking to no more than 1200 calories a day and losing about 1 1/2 pds a week. I know one of problems is snacking, and how much crap that I can eat and goes through the band. Ugh I don't know.
Other than that work is crazy as always and still stressing out about my dad. He had another test today to check the arteries in his brain. I am excited though as my mum dad and sister get here tomorrow for 4 days so it will be fun.
Oh and at my last appt I told them that I don't really eat until 2pm and most of my calories are at night and they said that was ok and a lot of people cant eat early in the day because the band is tight .
My word of the year which has been going around is "patience". I want to have patience with myself and my weight loss journey. I know I am doing pretty good with the weight loss although would love it to come off faster but it didn't happen over night, so I need patience to get where I am going.
Hope everyone is well!!!