Wednesday, May 26, 2010

So weird not to weigh myself

Hi all,
How are you doing? Seems like everyone seems to be doing well these days!! some ups and downs that are normal but everyone seems to be keeping up the good fight.

So now that I have had time to digest the news of my pregnancy I decided that I am still going to blog about my band. I know that for some of us one of the major reasons to get the band was to have an easier time getting pregnant, or just the ability to get pregnant or to have a healthy pregnancy. I know that my 1st question to the dr before I decided on the band was can I get pregnant? Is there any danger to the baby? And if there had been any hesitation I would not have chosen to go forward with the surgery. Anyway so I am going to post about the ups and the downs and being pregnant with the band.

Last week I was so tight I could hardly get anything down. this week, hello are you still there band? I am trying to eat healthier and eat about 1500 calories a day for the weird to try and eat more food and not just food but substantial food.

I am trying not to weigh myself. Of course I am thrilled about being pregnant but sometimes I freak out because I think wow I worked so hard to loose this weight and was so close to goal and now the scale is going to go up. I know rationally that I will loose the weight again after the baby but trying to comprehend that the scale WILL NOT be going down for the next 9 months or so is kidna scary. I know it sounds selfish but I was just feeling really comfortable in my clothes and just started fitting it to size 8 ( yes I said size 8 ) which I never have worn ever!! Anyway as I said please don't think I am being selfish but it is just some feelings I am having.

It is weird too because I have not told anyone at work and by the afternoon I have the huge pregnancy bloat belly so I wonder if they are looking at me saying oh there she goes again she lost weight and is putting it right back on ha.

My 1st doctors appt is not until June 21st ( they don't see you until you are 8 weeks or so pregnant and I am only 4 weeks 3 days ). It is so weird because I know I am pregnant but cant wait to actually hear the heartbeat and then it will seem real.

I am drinking my water and going to the gym 2-3 times a week still just to keep fit.
Oh and on top of all that I was a smoker ( have been for 19 years except for the year I quit with my last pregnancy and then stupidly had one when he was 3 months and started back up again ). So obviously as soon as the stick was positive I quit smoking. So talk about severe withdrawal aghhH!!!

I have rambled on enough. Keep up the good work everyone!!!

P.S. If you have decided to sign off from my blog no problem, I wish you all the best on your journey!!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

OMFG - not going to loose any more weight!!

When something tragic happens they say that something good will come....You are the only "friends" I can tell yet but guess what?????


Holy cow!!! I mean we decided that we were maybe going to start trying and the 1st time we didnt use anything it happened. I am only 3 weeks so will not be telling anyone until after the 1st trimester except you guys. WOW can you tell I am happy, nervous, scared, excited. Although I am not at goal weight yet I know that once I have the baby I will have Lucy to help me get back on track. No wonder I have been super tight this week. I have an appt with my "lucy" doctor on June 15th so I will decide if I am going to get any fluid taken out. I really dont want to as long as I am getting enough calories. WOW.

Anyway so excited I could share the news with you. I am getting ready for the adventure

Keep up the good work ladies !!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Some new pics!!

So had a great weekend this weekend . We went to a kite festival on Staurday and teh zoo on Sunday. It was a beautiful weekend in NYC.

Weird I am feeling very tight lateley and have not had a fill in a while but it seems like after a few bites I feel like I am stuck / full ( I still getthat feeling confused ) No major sliming or PB'ing but just weird hmm.

Anyway so I have some new pics. As you can see I am trying to get over my bare arm phobia and decided to say F&*K it and show my arms, I am not going to sweat to death anymore!!! Hope you all had a good weekend and keep up the good work!!!

The ones with Big Bird were last year :-)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I am back

Hi all,
Have been trying to catch up in all of your blogs but I just realized if you don't keep up every day it is so hard because I follow so many people and want to know what is going on and show support but wow 2 weeks worth of blogs is crazy. To all who I have not commented on I am reading and will start following every day again. Everyone seems to be doing well, some ups and downs but that is what this journey is all about.

I am still in shock about what happened with my little cousin. So many things run through your head, what could I have done? Why didn't she reach out? How scared must she have been etc, it could make you go crazy. She was only 16 years old and she hung herself. Her sister (19) found her and they did try to resuscitate at the hospital but her heart gave out ( she was also suffering from bulimia ). To make things worse my aunt ( not her mum ) and my grandma where in Florida visiting my mum and this all happened during the eruption of the volcano and could not get home for the funeral ( everyone lives in Scotland except for my parents and bro and sis's ). It was devastating for them not to be there. What do you say to your Grandma who says she never thought she would bury a grandchild? It was just awful. Now is the time to heal and be thankful for the time we had with her and her memory will live on. I know she is up there now with my Papa looking down on us. Sorry just wanted to share that with you all.

Band news I am actually doing ok. Still averaging about 1 pound per week which is great for me. I am 158 pounds, 18 pounds from my goal and 38 pounds from my drs goal ( never happen ). I am getting more and more comfortable with myself and cant wait for summer to go to the beach with the little one ( did I just say that ? :-) )
I do get some days where I cant get much down. Does anyone else freak out about the thought of your band slipping or eroding? I am super paranoid about that. It will be one year from my "initial" surgery in the beginning of August and that is when we get another esophogram. I cant wait. I am just being super paranoid because I know that I would have symptoms or something if it slipped but anyway.

Anyway hope everyone is doing well and I am glad to be back to blogging and following all the wonderful bandsters out there.