Friday, October 30, 2009

Poke Poke Poke ...Interesting

So just had my second fill yeah!!! According to their scales I am down 2.6lbs in 2 weeks which is not bad ( especially since I havent really had any restriction yet ). I am down a little more according to mine but that's ok.
So my last fill no problem, in and out. This time Ann the PA was poking me trying to feel for my port and apparently my port is very fluid!!! She said that my port can do a 360 inside of me. Of course this about freaked me out as I have heard all the stories about flipped ports and how they have to go back into surgery ect. She told me its ok it should not be a problem ha. I think she realised I was a little freaked out since I have already been in surgery 4 times since the start of my journey in July. She told me don't worry about it you wont have to have it flipped back it just does flips inside of me ...anyway so I had 4cc in there and she gave me another 2 cc. Went out to drink some water and it kinda got stuck in my throat and was a little painful so she said I was probably too tight so she took me back to the room and took out some. I am not sure how much she took out. I am hoping that this may be the one that gets me to restriction fingers crossed.
Ugh but can I tell you, I am hungry. I know I have to be on 2 days of liquids and 2 days of mushies and it should not be a problem but since next week will be my TOM I am just so hungry today.
Well I hope you all have a great Halloween and don't get tempted too much by the candy and chocolate out there.
Cant wait to take my little one out trick or treating. It is his first time so I am really excited. Trying to get the hubby to dress up ha

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

NSV :-)

Isn't it so weird the bigger you are the longer you stay in certain size clothes??? For example I am still wearing size 1 Lane Bryant jeans, 3 weeks ago I bought a size 14 DKYNY pair of jeans and they fit and today my NSV.....I fit into my old size 12 Tommy Hilfiger jeans ( these were from a period of about 6 months when I lost 60 pounds ). Now they are probably supposed to be baggy fit and on me they look like they are painted on but I can wear them. I can breathe in them so I am taking it as a NSV. It is just so weird how I can still fit into all sizes and most of my clothes that are 16-18. I don't get it but of course they are a lot looser and are close to being removed from my closet.
I had a good day yesterday, went to gym worked out for an hour during lunch. I am getting used to it now but the thought of going for the rest of my life depresses me.
Do you know what drives me insane though? Night eating!!! I do so good during the day ( I am not at restriction so I can pretty much eat anything I want )and then after I get the little one down at night I want to eat...I am trying to figure out the head hunger versus real hunger or if I am just eating just because. But between 8pm and 10pm I am constantly in the kitchen. Now granted I wont eat the snickers bars but I will eat the 100 calorie snacks which is ok unless you eat 3 of them!! That is what i have to work on. Maybe I should start going to bed with my little one .
Weigh in day tomorrow. Nervous. But no matter what the scale says I can feel my body change so I am happy
Have a good one!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Scale - Friend or Foe?

So I hate the scale, I always have. With all the millions of diets I have been on in my life I never liked the damn thing even when I was loosing weight. I mean there would be times were I knew I was bad and expected a gain or no loss and you accept that but when you know you have been doing all the right things and you would be excited to get on the scale to see the results and nothing would happen I would be devastated. What is the first thing I would do? Eat chocolate!!! I used to be like, whatever I tried it didn't work so why am I even trying any more and I would just eat what I wanted. If I don't see results I give up. This is the biggest change that I am trying to make within myself. I feel like I am trying to do all the right things and know that if I stick to it, it will work. I mean I hate the gym, and when I say hate I mean would rather be doing anything else in the world than be there at that moment in time. But I signed up for the gym about a month ago and have been going every day during lunch. What gets me through it is I bring a book and I walk on the treadmill and read for 40 minutes. This is one of the only times I am by myself as I work full time and have a 2 year old so at lunch at the gym is also supposed to be a relaxing time for me. At first I was thinking that walking for 40 minutes on the treadmill ( I also do some of the weight machines for 10 minutes afterwards for my arms ugh don't get me started on my arms ) was an easy way out but I burn about 185 calories in that 40 minutes and it gets my butt moving so at least it is something.I actually attempted to run for about 2 minutes yesterday but thought I was going to collapse so went back to walking. Anyway the whole point of it is that I weigh myself on Thursday mornings only. I dread it. If I see a loss I am the happiest person on the earth If I don't then I feel like a failure. I have 2 days before my weigh in and I think I should be ok but I am so nervous. I have to stop. This is a way of life and as long as I keep doing what I am doing and get some restriction it will work.
3 days until my fill yeah !!!

Monday, October 26, 2009


So had a great weekend. My sister ( 15 ) and her friend were up for the weekend so we had a lot of fun. We went to see Paranormal Activity on Friday night which was such a great movie, Scared the crap out of me. Cant believe it was made for 15k. Walked around Time Square in Saturday. I love that place, doesn't matter that I live here I still get excited with everything going on in Times Square. Although I wish that tourists would understand it is not ok to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures, people move to the left or to the right!!!
We went to the Titanic exhibit which was really cool. Then down to Chinatown to buy purses and lunch in little Italy. Overall a great weekend.
I think I may be feeling some restriction now. I am not sure. I mean I can still eat way too much at a time but it takes me 4-5 hours before being hungry again. I think I may have a problem with English muffins. I usually eat the egg white and cheese english muffin from DD. I felt some pressure a couple of times when I was eating it but did not PB. Maybe I just need to chew more? I don't know still trying to figure this out. I go for my 2nd fill on Friday which I can not wait for :-) I know I ate way too much this weekend but hopefully all the walking helped. Back to the gym today!!
Anyway the funniest thing. I named my lapband Lucy ( I name everything ) so when we were out on Saturday my sister saw this T shirt that said I love Lucy and a picture of a skeleton on it. I had to have it. Now by no means do I want to be a skeleton but I thought how appropriate for me so I bought it. It was only $5.
Well it is Monday so the week starts again!!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Can I be a blogger?

So where do I start? I am not sure that I am a blogger but have been inspired by reading so many wonderful blogs out there that I think I should start my own. I don't think it is really about anyone else reading it because I am not even sure if I want anyone I know to read my thoughts but I am going to give it a try anyway.
I have a lapband. I am a bariatric patient. I never thought that I would be I mean I have been fat my whole life, and I mean my whole life but I always thought of surgery as something so drastic and that would have to mean admitting to the outside world that I knew I was fat and that I had a problem with it. Now don't get me wrong people are not blind and I am certainly not stupid but I always kind of made a joke about it and my personality was always so strong that even my mum was surprised that I really hated being fat so much. Anyway so I decided in June to look into surgery. I did lots of research online and found out what the lap band was all about. I am lucky to live in NYC where there are great doctors who have been doing this for years. I researched and decided that I would go to Dr Fielding at NYU mostly because he has a lap band himself. I go the surgery on July 31st and let me tell you it was nothing like I had expected. I wont go int o all the details but basically had the surgery on Friday, went home sat morning, bleeding from wound would not stop so I went back to the ER on Sunday morning. was in the ER from 6am until 6pm. Doctors tried to open the wound and stop the bleeding but to no avail. Kept in overnight, went back to the OR then next day and surgeon could not see where the bleeding was coming from so he closed me back up. Left hospital Monday night. Bleeding continued. Back to drs office Tues morning and he looked again and couldnt see where it was coming from. Woke up Wednesday covered in blood so back to the hospital again. They kept me overnight and then put a couple of additional stitches in. Yeah bleeding stopped. Went to drs one week later and the wound was infected. So back to surgery to remove the port. So from 08/13-10/2 had not port in. Back to surgery 10/2 to get port back in. First fill on 10/15. Wounds are all healed and am ready to really start the journey. I am actually down about 28 pounds so far which is not bad I think. After all o ft hat do I regret getting the surgery??? NO!! Because I know I will get there I know I will feel restriction and I know I will lose the weight this time for good. I have to. This is the last resort people. If I can not lose weight after taking such a drastic measure then someone up there is really messing with me.
So I want to document my journey, should have probably started earlier but oh well. As you can probably tell ( if anyone is actually reading this ) my thoughts are all over the place.
A little about me. I am 34 years old ( really? ) and I have a wonderful husband and the most amazing son you can imagine. He is 2 1/2 years old and the love of my life. I cant wait to have more kids. I live in NYC , have done for the past 9 years and love it.
I am not sure what this blog will be about and even if I will keep it up but hey what do I have to loose.
So for now I will sign off as I better get some work done. Hope you have a good day. ( who am I saying that to? )