Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Almost 6 month bandiversary thoughts

Hi all,
So I am about 4 days shy of my 6 month bandiversary. Although I was officially banded on July 31st of last year due to all the complications I didn't really get "started" on my journey until around October ( my 1st post had all the ins and outs and various complications surgeries I went through ). I just wanted to put down some random thoughts and perspectives of the last 6 months. Sorry if they are all jumbled but here I go.
1. I weighed in yesterday at 174.6 lbs. 6 ounces shy of the 50 pounds mark 4 days shy of 6 months
2. I am really happy with my progress although the last month or so has been slow moving
3. I have to stop comparing myself with everyone else's weight loss and look at myself and be proud of the 50 lbs I have lost
4. If still feel so far away from being normal size and sometimes I cant believe I will get there
5. Sometimes I feel so close to goal only 34.6 lbs away and I know I will get there eventually ( this is the constant contradictory thoughts i have in my head )
6. While I can see big differences in my body, my THIGHS and ARMS suck!!! They are still huge
7. When I last weighed this much I did not think my arms and thighs were as big as they are now
8. I am so happy to have lucy
9. One thing I did not realize with the band would be that I can still eat as much junk as I want. This sucks!!! Food I can go all day without if I wanted to ( and I don't ) but put some chips or chocolate in front of me and watch out
10. If I went to bed at 8pm every night my snacking problems would disappear ( not realistic )
11. I went into this thinking that maybe I would not need lucy in me forever. I know now that is not the case
12. I have not problem accepting the fact that I will eat this way for the rest of my life.
13. Breakfast is not an option any more
14. Lattes are my downfall also and even though I use non fat milk I "waste" between 150 and 300 calories a day on this
15. I love my husband so much and how supportive he is and has been. He told me the other night how scared he was when I was going through all the complications in the beginning and he thought he was going to loose me over " a few extra pounds"
16. I would not be as far along as I am today if I did not read all of your blogs everyday and get the support from everyone on here
17. I need to drink more water
18. I am not addicted to carbs anymore :-)
19. I still feel embarrassed sometimes that I had to take this drastic step
20. I would not change the decision for the world

Well that's just some of my weird and random thoughts. Hope everyone has a great day

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Stressful 2010

Hi all,
So things have been super crazy around here so far this year. Usually at work January is a slow month as budgets are getting proposed so very few studies are commisioned ( I work in Research ). Well this year its completely the opposite. I currently have 11 different projects in field all around the globe from the UK to Dubai to Australia. This is causing me to get stressed out and even worse not able to go the gym at lunchtime. Hopefully it gets a little easier but I see this continuing until at least the end of February.

Had my fill appt last Thursday. Ugh only lost 3lbs in the past 3 1/2 weeks. Trying not to get discouraged because I know why I am not loosing more. I have to stop snacking!!!! I do so good during the day but come 8pm at night when I am sitting on the couch relaxing the snack attack happens. I mean I am still maxing out at around 1200 calories a day but it just annoys me that if I stopped the snacking I could loose faster. Need to get my ass back into gear.

I am around 176 now and I have 2 long term goals. I want to be at 160 lbs before we start trying to have a baby ( I want to get pregnant this year ) and my ultimate goal is 140 lbs. Even though 140lbs is still overweight for my height but that is a number that has been in my head for like 20 years so if I get there ( will I? ) and I want to loose more and can I will.

Anyway sorry I have not been making lots of comments on blogs but I try to read every ones and keep up to date.

Stay strong everyone :-)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Fill in 24 hours thank goodness!!!

Just a quick note to say thank the lord that I have an appt tomorrow for a fill. The past 2 days I have had ZERO restriction. I cant believe how much I can eat..I just finished an egg salad sandwich on sourdough bread..when I say finished... I mean I ate the whole thing, no problem with the bread, no fullness, no nothing...where are you restriction? Come back!!!!!!!!!

Update tomorrow after the drs appt

P.S. Just because I could and did eat the whole thing I should not have but I was so hungry!!

P.P.S. And to top it all off I am so busy at work I have not made it to the gym once this week

P.P.P.S. And I have not drank any water today!!! Could it get any worse?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I don't hate these pics :-)

So for the 1st time in many years I don't hate the pictures that were taken of me. Don't get me wrong, I could point out many many things i do not like but I am not embarrassed to post them. That is a huge breakthrough. For the 1st 2 years of my sons life there are hardly any pics of me and him together because I was so scared and embarrassed of getting my pic taken. NO MORE!!! I want to have as many memories and pictures as I can with my sweet boy and my hubby. So Yeah NSV.
How is everyone doing? Things are going ok for me. I have an appt on Jan 14th for a fill and I am not sure if I will get it ( this is a recurring theme for me ). I mean as far as hunger goes, I am never hungry. I could go all day without eating. This is amazing. However when I do eat I am eating more than the 1 cup? I mean I could eat for days and days. I am still sticking to no more than 1200 calories a day and losing about 1 1/2 pds a week. I know one of problems is snacking, and how much crap that I can eat and goes through the band. Ugh I don't know.
Other than that work is crazy as always and still stressing out about my dad. He had another test today to check the arteries in his brain. I am excited though as my mum dad and sister get here tomorrow for 4 days so it will be fun.
Oh and at my last appt I told them that I don't really eat until 2pm and most of my calories are at night and they said that was ok and a lot of people cant eat early in the day because the band is tight .
My word of the year which has been going around is "patience". I want to have patience with myself and my weight loss journey. I know I am doing pretty good with the weight loss although would love it to come off faster but it didn't happen over night, so I need patience to get where I am going.
Hope everyone is well!!!