Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I am back

Hi all,
Have been trying to catch up in all of your blogs but I just realized if you don't keep up every day it is so hard because I follow so many people and want to know what is going on and show support but wow 2 weeks worth of blogs is crazy. To all who I have not commented on I am reading and will start following every day again. Everyone seems to be doing well, some ups and downs but that is what this journey is all about.

I am still in shock about what happened with my little cousin. So many things run through your head, what could I have done? Why didn't she reach out? How scared must she have been etc, it could make you go crazy. She was only 16 years old and she hung herself. Her sister (19) found her and they did try to resuscitate at the hospital but her heart gave out ( she was also suffering from bulimia ). To make things worse my aunt ( not her mum ) and my grandma where in Florida visiting my mum and this all happened during the eruption of the volcano and could not get home for the funeral ( everyone lives in Scotland except for my parents and bro and sis's ). It was devastating for them not to be there. What do you say to your Grandma who says she never thought she would bury a grandchild? It was just awful. Now is the time to heal and be thankful for the time we had with her and her memory will live on. I know she is up there now with my Papa looking down on us. Sorry just wanted to share that with you all.

Band news I am actually doing ok. Still averaging about 1 pound per week which is great for me. I am 158 pounds, 18 pounds from my goal and 38 pounds from my drs goal ( never happen ). I am getting more and more comfortable with myself and cant wait for summer to go to the beach with the little one ( did I just say that ? :-) )
I do get some days where I cant get much down. Does anyone else freak out about the thought of your band slipping or eroding? I am super paranoid about that. It will be one year from my "initial" surgery in the beginning of August and that is when we get another esophogram. I cant wait. I am just being super paranoid because I know that I would have symptoms or something if it slipped but anyway.

Anyway hope everyone is doing well and I am glad to be back to blogging and following all the wonderful bandsters out there.


  1. Welcome back, Carla. I'm glad you were able to spend some time with your family, and I'm sorry for the horrible loss you've suffered.

    Catching up on blogworld is almost impossible! We're glad you're back, though.

  2. So glad to see you back. Can't imagine the sorrow you and your family are going through. Sometimes we can't make sense of these things.

    I also wanted to add how nice to see you getting so close to goal weight. Doing great girl.

  3. Good to see you made it back safe and sound. So sad about your cousin...a friend of my husband's just killed himself and his son. Sometimes you just don't know what's going on with people.

    On the weight loss front, you're doing so great! Awesome job!

  4. Carla-- so sorry about your cousin, I didn't realize. :-(
    My heart goes out to you and your family.

    On a much lighter note: congrats on your wonderful progress and thanks for the great support and advice you've given me-- I did have the unfill!

  5. Carla, so so sorry. Losing a family member to suicide is just unbearable. I lost an uncle this way - but to lose a 16 year old? Unfathomable. My own view is that depression is almost always involved - undiagnosed or untreated depression.

    I can't believe you are still losing so well and only 158!!!! Amazing. I know you will LOVE going to the beach this year, and look fab too.