Mad going up Happy going down

You know I was thinking last night how obsessed we ( I ) am with the numbers on the scale and how perspective is a huge part of it. As you know I have been fat my whole life. I have lost significant amounts of weight before but never kept it off and never been normal weight, always overweight and never at goal weight. So I was thinking about how happy I was when I saw 187.4 on the scales last week. I was so happy and proud of myself blah blah and then I thought about when I saw it last, I was going upwards. My lowest weight I can recall was around 2005 at around 167 pounds. I met my husband and started gaining weight. I had a trip planned with my 2 friends to Thailand and was on Jenny Craig for the 500 millionth time. I remember weighing in at around 185 and being so upset at that number. So disappointed that I had gained so much weight and how could I do it after all my hard work blah blah. But now I was excited to see that number. Anyway probably just rambling but was just thinking about it.

So Cara ( who is soooo nice and an inspiration ) mentioned that I used the word mum and not mom which is what Americans use. Anyway I actually was born and raised in Scotland. My dads job transferred him from grey rainy Glasgow to Daytona Beach Florida when I was 12. Can you say the words culture shock? Anyway so I have been in America since I was 12. Funny thing is I actually ended up marrying a guy from Ireland. To confuse things even more I am Italian and from a huge Italian family in Glasgow. We get to go home to see everyone at least once a year which is great. I cant wait to go home next year when I will have lost my weight !!!

Have a good one

So I wanted to put a comparison pic up but I hate taking pictures so not a lot to choose from. One thing I am going to start doing is taking pictures especically with my family. I have shyed away from the camera for so long that even now that I have lost some weight it is hard to start wanting to take pics. Anyway so the left is a before ( 224 ish pounds ) and the right is around 190 pounds. I think I see a difference in my face.

Chocolate a mushie?

The title of the blog says it all. I wont go into details but because I had a fill on Friday I am on mushies yesterday and today. Can you guess what I ate yesterday? Yes I know I know....aghh self sabotage. We will just not speak of it again and will start anew today.

So Hi how was everyone weekend? We took our 2 1/2 year old to the movies for the first time on Saturday. It actually went pretty well. I figured the worst that could happen is that we would leave. So it was a lot of fun and he had tons of popcorn. He kept trying to share with mummy but since I was on liquids I would just let him put it in my mouth and slyly take it out.

Oh I guess I had a NSV this weekend. I don't own a belt. I always bought clothes that just fit ( maybe because I was trying to deny how big I really was ) so I never thought I had the need for a belt. SO my hubby has been on at me to buy a belt because my pants are getting to big and the gap when I sit down is getting bigger and bigger. So anyway I bought a belt this weekend !!! Size large :-) So I am very excited about that.

Hope everyone has a good week

How long to gain weight?

Last weekend I went a little crazy with the food and alcohol. I went to a friends pre Thanksgiving party. We all made a dish and had dinner together. I did really well on the dinner part, took a little bit of food and was satisfied. The problems started after the 3d vodka. The desserts came out and my mouth started drooling. One of my friends made these deliciously evil little things called peanut butter balls that were basically cookie, peanut butter and then lathered in chocolate. Now granted they are small but that doesn't help when you eat like 5 of them. They were so good and so bad at the same time. I woke up on Sunday morning with a little hangover and of course regret again for eating so many. This brings me to a thought I had, how long does it take to gain the weight if you have had a bad eating day or 2? Does it come on the next morning? When does it show up on the scale? How long does it take to turn into fat? Official weigh day for me tomorrow and I am hoping to have no gain, am not expecting a loss but just don't want to see a gain.
I have been really good since Monday and going to the gym so fingers crossed for me. I just keep thinking about my goal...to be at 180 for Christmas ( 9 pounds ). I love the holiday season but there are so many party's and so many chances to screw up. I will just keep the goal in mind and I will make it. Have a good one

Scale is my friend this week

So yesterday was my weigh in day and I like my scale :-) I am down to 189 pounds. I am actually thinking I may make my goal of 180 by Christmas. That was the good news. Now of course I have been so busy at work the last 2 days and have not been able to go to the gym so the calories I usually burn will not be burned :-( That's ok though its been a nightmare at work so I will just have to do extra at the gym next week ( My only time to go to the gym is Mon - Fri at lunch as at the weekend it is family time ).
So I am going out on Sat night and I know I will be drinking some nice wine. Want to make sure I do not go overboard though as the calories will add up so I am hoping to just try and have fun without getting too drunk :-)
My fill is scheduled for next Friday and I think I am going to get one. I feel my restriction easing off a little bit from last week but who knows? This lapband is so confusing me but I am trying
Anyway so slammed so this is short and sweet . Have a great weekend

Love Salmon

Ok so anyone that is the NYC area ( I am not sure of they have them all over the country? world?) you have to try my favorite lunch of all time . I get the salmon salad from Pret A Manger. It is soooo good. It is 200 calories plus whatever dressing you use. You get a big piece of salmon and it is so fresh. Anyway just though I would recommend that to everyone as I am sitting here eating it right now.
I know everyone says it, but "lucy" is so fickle. One day she will let me eat bread and the next day she wont. Some days I will be starving for breakfast and some days like today I wasn't hungry so first thing I am eating is now at 2:30pm. My doctor always said If you are not hungry, don't eat. This goes against all the "diets" that I have knows. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, eat 6 small meals etc lah blah blah but I guess I am going to go with what my doctor says. Of course all the while trying to get your protein in and water etc. I think it should be ok because I vary my calorie intake every day. Some days I am at 800 some days I am at 1300 but I think my goal is 1000-1200 calories per day. Who knows? As long as I am not hungry and losing weight then whatever works works. Weigh in day on Thursday. I think I am looking forward to it as I had a sneek peak on Sunday but don't want to say it out loud or write it down as last time I weighed before my scheduled day I showed a loss and then the next day a gain so trying to stick to once a week.
My restriction is good I think. The only thing is that i don't get what people call "soft stops". Some people sneeze or their nose starts running. I go from eating ok and not full to "ouch" there is something there so I shouldn't eat anymore. I don't PB or slime or anything so I am wondering if that is my soft stop. As long as it is not hurting anything I can deal with it. I will mention it to the doctor next week when I see him.
Anyway week is going by slow. Can you believe it is only Tuesday?
My munchkin is just getting over a cold so he should be back to normal soon.
I swear reading everyones blog is so addicting. I sit at work and read blogs all day. I have to stop because I am not getting any work done. Well speaking of work, I have a meeting soon so better go.
Hope everyone is well

Big Step out of the shadows

Hi so big step for me finally posted a pic of me and my munchkin.....

Cant Move!!

So I have a variety of subjects to talk about today. Lets get to the good news. I think I have restriction. I got a fill last Friday and started reg food on Tuesday. I think I am eating less and getting full faster. I know that I have to chew and have had the feeling a couple of times in my chest, the feeling that it is not necessarily stuck but a little sore and know I can not eat any more. Is this being stuck? Is this PBing? I have never thrown up had a little foam once from some tortilla chips ( lesson learned ). So I am not sure if I am at my sweet spot but I definitely have restriction. The past 2 mornings I did not feel like eating breakfast so I didn't and I was fine. This morning I was hungry so I had one of the Jimmy Dean light Breakfast croissant thingies. It is turkey sausage egg white and low fat cheese on a low fat croissant. It is 290 calories and 19 grams of protein. I was able to eat the whole thing slow and I am full. Is that normal? Anyway I think I am happy for now but will keep my appointment for 11/19 for another fill and just see how it goes.
yesterday I had a free session with a personal trainer at my gym. Let me just start by saying this guys arm was bigger than my head so I was like omg he is going to kill me here. When he asked me my weight ( you know I cringe at that ) I said 195 and he said" really???? you don't look like you weigh that much" uhm ok I think that is a compliment?? So he then was telling me he lost 50 pounds, of course my first reaction is to say congratulations, and he was like uhm I dropped the weight for a competition ( he is a body builder ) and I will put it back on afterwards . So ok great start. Well let me tell you I have never been so close to passing out in my life. He worked me like I was some skinny 120 pound girl that lives at the gym. He had me doing push ups, pull ups, boxing, weights all sorts of crazy stuff. It lasted 45 minutes although it felt like 45 days. So today I can not even walk. My butt feels like it has been crunched and my abs feel like I did a million push ups. So I am glad I did it but omg I am hurting today.
So today is my official weigh day.... I stood on the scale like 10 times and it said the same number. 191.6 :-) really? OMG so happy.
Please god make this number stick and go down from here. I am trying.
Oh last thing on my mind. I go on LBT and smartbandsters to read everyones posts and it really bothers me sometimes that people are so negative to others that have maybe slipped up or are having problems. One guy was wondering if he had restriction and said something like he can eat 3 pieces of pizza and bread or something like that. Well yes we all know pizza is not the best food and we all know that bread has lots of calories etc but some people were yelling at him saying " Why are you eating pizza, you are never supposed to that. And white bread? white rice? that is never ever ever allowed blah blah blah" Cant we all be supportive in a nice way and not make the guy feel any worse than he already does? jeez people
Anyway think that's it for now.
For anyone that cares...Yeah Yankees!!!!

Feeling Blah

So I know why I am feeling blah. I am feeling guilty. I ate 4 of the mini size candy bars last night from Halloween. I could say that it was ok because I didn't eat lunch or because I am on my TOM but its not ok. I mean I know that this is not a diet and I know I will not deprive myself of anything but it is the fact that I ate 4. Then I feel guilty and think how can you sabotage yourself this way. Its crazy but I am not going to harp on it. I went to the gym today and skipped breakfast deliberately although I wasn't really hungry anyway. I will move on and continue.
So I have set some goals for myself. I think they are ambitious but I will try and meet them. I want to lose 14 pounds by Christmas. after that 14 pounds I want to lose 20 pounds by March. Ok so wait a minute I need to tell you my weight. Nobody knows this apart from the doctors etc. I have never told anyone my weight before as I was so ashamed. It reminds me of when I was in the hospital with all my complications. My mum and my husband was there in the room with me and one of the many doctors came in to ask me the trillions of questions they need to. So of course they got to the question " How much to you weigh?" without saying anything my mum and my hubby got up and walked out of the room and the doctor looked at me and laughed and said" You have them trained well" It was funny because they know me so well and that I would not be able to say it in front of them. So here goes.....My initial weight was 224 pounds. My last weight at the doctors office was 194.4 pounds. So back to what I was saying. I want to weight 180 pounds by Christmas and 160 pounds by March. My goal weight is 140 pounds but I want to get pregnant next year. I am not sure if I want to weight until I get to 140 pounds so my goal pregnancy weight would be 160 pounds. Wow kind of feels ok to say my weight out loud. I cant wait to tell my husband that I weigh the same as him ( he is 6"1 and 160 lbs ).
I will tell my family eventually what I weighed but 224 pounds but right now its too close . By the way I am only 5'2.
Maybe soon I will be ready to post some pictures of myself.
Well onwards and upwards or in our case downwards we go.