Thank You

Just wanted to say thank you for all your kind thoughts and words. I am off to Florida tomorrow to be with the family so we can grieve together.

Keep up the good work all of you and look forward to catching up on all the blogs when I get back

Love
carla

My heart is broken

Hi all,
I just wanted to say I am sorry I have not read or commented on anyones blogs in the best few days.
My little cousin ( we are a huge and very close family ) who was just 16 years old committed suicide on Wednesday. She was being bullied at school and has had a very tough year with her self esteem etc.
My family is devastated and my heart is broken.
If you have kids, family anyone please just hug them tighter today and every day.
Love to all
Carla

Strange NSV and BOOBS

Hi all,
Hope things are going well. Things are the same over here. Crazy busy at work and we are moving offices this week which just adds un needed stress to everyone. Lucy is doing good. Still struggling with the snacking and night time eating but doing ok otherwise. I don't weigh myself this week as it is the week before my TOM and I always stay the same or show a gain so I just avoid the scale. I think restriction is perfect most days but then we all have days when we are wide open or closed shut, just the nature of the beast.

So I was at my new gym yesterday. I changed gyms to be closer to the new office and have been going for about 2 weeks. Anyway when you sign up you get 3 free training sessions. Yesterday I was on the treadmill and this big burly Russian trainer came up to me and was saying I have seen you here and want to sign you up for the free training sessions etc. Anyway he asked what I usually do and I said just cardio but know I have to work on my arms etc. Anyway so for the NSV, he then said to me are you looking to loose weight? And I said yes. And he then said " is it about 15-20 pounds you want to loose?" So why am I excited ? Because I don't think I have ever been at a spot in my life where I "only" need to loose 15 or 20 pounds so yeah NSV for me...
Technically I want to loose 21 pounds to reach my personal goal of 140, 41 pounds to my surgeons goal for me of cough cough 120. But I chalked that up to an NSV for me :-)

BOOBS---- so I am so excited for all of you that are getting together and I would love love love to go but I have so many things planned for this year. I am going to FL ( every 3 months to see my family ) and then I am going to Scotland and Ireland and also my best friend is getting married in November so I wont be able to make it. To all who are going have a blast, I am sure you guys will have so much fun

Anyway have a great week all!!!

Numbers for Gen, some thoughts and pics

**** Dont know why these posted up top but anyways. Hopefully you can tell the 1st 3 pics are now and the bottom 3 are before :-)

Hi all,

So I am terrible at keeping track of my weight loss in weeks but I have gone through my blogs and tried to get an accurate picture of what I am doing. I will post number below.

I have been thinking lately ( scary I know ) and reading Amys blog ( or was it her vlog ) the other day about perception of ourselves and that made me think about where I am mentally.

As you may remember I was at my lowest weight ever probably back in 2002 after being on Jenny Craig for the 10 millionth time. That is when I met my husband. Over the past 7 years or so ( and one pregnancy later ) I was at my heaviest of 224 pounds. I basically gained about 50 lbs. Throughout that time I knew it was happening and obviously so did everyone around me. I tried to hide it and wouldn't talk about it but it was happening. Now when I was at 224 pounds I was "ALL OVER" fat. You cant hide it when you are that big so I did not really think oh my butt is big or my thighs are tree trunks or my arms are huge, my whole body was big!!! Now as I am beginning to feel "somewhat normal" I think I stand out more. Now try and follow me on this one, I was fat all over so in my mind people on the street just saw a big fat person. Now I feel like I stand out More because in my mind people on the street see oh look at her arms , they are huge or her thighs are huge or her whatever is huge. I feel like it is more of a dissection of my body in certain parts because I fall into an in between category. She is not a big fat person and she is not normal. I have probably confused you because I am confusing myself. Anyway so I think I stick out more now if you know what I mean. I know this is mostly in my mind. It has to be!! I don't exactly know what my point is but I just wanted to say it ( and please no one be offended by the "fat" word because that is not a bad word to me , its true ). I just hope at some point I will feel normal...

Anyway I wanted to post some progress pics but my ability to feel comfortable in front of the camera is only slowly coming around. Here are some I have. Oh yeah right numbers. See below

Banded 07/31 224

Port removal infection dram etc 07/31-10/2

10/23 196

11/13 189

12/28 179

1/27 174.6

2/16 169.2

03/23 164.8

04/08 162.8 ( new low )

I am overweight!!!

So I just wanted to post good news as I am still in my chocolate induced coma...

I am ( or was before yesterday ) 163.4lbs which puts me in the overweight category and out of obesity!!

I think i will wait 7-10 days before weighing myself again so that I dont see the gain and then the loss so if I can still be 163.4 lbs next week I will be happy

Hope you all had a great Easter...